Best conversation topic of the morning: adding an event to the Iron Man competition - do a shot of lava. What better way to prove your manhood and toughness than to chug molten rock? Does it become magma again if it's in your stomach?

This place is an efficient food service, so get your character and personality somewhere else, thank-you very much. It doesn't even have a name for crying out loud! However, it's perfect for large parties (or perhaps our 10-year reunion).

I got over-easy eggs that were decent, but one was missing a yolk. The multi-grain toast was great, and the bacon nicely done (even got an accidental additional piece of bacon; four, as opposed to everybody else's three). A strict policy of ONE packet of jam each kept us in line (we can be so unruly), and the meal was topped off with deep fried hash browns. That's right, they've solved the time problem that plagues potatoes in restaurants everywhere. While it certainly added to the high school atmosphere (not to mention our cholesterol), the potato chunks were crispy and tasty. A wonderful surprise.

They have a varied selection of coffees available and no matter what size you get, it is a standard price included with the breakfast. When all four of us were sitting at the table, I noticed that we had four different sizes of coffee cups, all for the same price. Refills are not included, so the next time I go I will remember to get the large cup instead of the conservative tiny mug that I chose today.

In addition to the already potent high school atmosphere, the ladies ringing up the orders looked as if they could have been from any cafeteria in Canada. I swear I've been served by this same woman for years in various eateries. I have a theory that there is a large cloning operation churning out identical-looking people to work in cafeterias, sit in hospital waiting rooms and drive RVs (No offense to any non-clones who actually do these things).

AUGUST 31 2007

WOODSWORTH CAFETERIA

405 BROADWAY

In the WOODSWORTH BUILDING

Breakfast Special

$4.50 after tax, coffee included

This is a place I've walked by countless times and never once

considered going in. I imagined a high school-like atmosphere, and

when I finally DID go, I found my estimate to be correct. It's unlike any high-school I ever went to, but the comparison is easily made. Huge, open area with impossibly high ceilings, no decorum to speak of, and fluorescent lights that hum continually in the background din. The only decorations are plastic plants scattered about and a wooden island in the dining area with more of the same plants on it. No art, just bare walls and clean floors.

The main thing that differentiates this place from a high school cafeteria is the food. I've never had anything CLOSE to this kind of quality food in any cafeteria I've ever been in before, high school or not. Not only were they speedy, but they deliver the speed without the assumption of a tip! They don't even have a little cup by the till or anything, which made me feel a bit odd but I felt better after having to bus my own plate.

Seating for 200

DIY coffee

Listen! You can hear them complaining.

Dec 10 2009

Hours of operation:

Mon-Fri – 7:00am-3:30pm

Breakfast Special - $6.00 after tax & coffee

The Woodsworth cafeteria hasn’t changed in the two years plus since we’ve been there. We thought maybe it had, but we were sadly disappointed. This is cafeteria food at it’s most basic. It’s even more stingy than others – a packet of mayo costs $0.45 extra. They also had Cheez Whiz packets for sale. I bought one just for the unique experience; it will sit in my fridge until one day it falls out, landing on the floor, unnoticed. I will find it in two years and it will have not spoiled. Cheez Whiz cannot spoil, I’m convinced.

The cafeteria deep fried their hashbrowns into starchy hell. However, the toast was fine, and the three slices of bacon were decent. Breakfast even came with a slice of orange which was nice, but the overall dining experience turned me off, even with their nice selection of hot sauces. There are many pluses and minuses to the place, but it always ends on a minus. I like their patio, but it’s also full of exhaust from summer rush hours. The huge windows are nice, but they either make it too sunny or just too hot to have without blinds. Defeats the purpose, but y’know. Whatever. Cafeteria food has no heart. It’s all business, but this is bad business. Go up the street to the Alexis Grill or Soups Sandwiches and More instead.

To complement the disappointing cafeteria experience, we were constantly bothered by people fretting about our security issues. Leif and I came in, checking things out, making notes and taking pictures as we always do. We try to be discreet, but we can only be so discreet when trying to take pictures of menus posted beside the cook’s head. We garnered some negative attention from the staff. Two women from behind the counter started freaking out, thinking we were taking pictures of them. As if we would have any use for their faces on the internet. Only the most pathetic and insecure are this arrogant.

We assured them that we were not taking their pictures, but one of them continued to pester us with comments like “If this was Safeway they’d kick you out.” It didn’t stop her from taking our money.

We sat down with our food, but a few minutes into our meal a security guard from the building came over saying they got a complaint about us. We assured the bored-looking guard (who obviously didn’t consider pictures of the cafeteria to be terror-alert-worthy) that we weren’t taking pictures of faces, but food. She was satisfied and quickly left.

Another few minutes later a middle-manager-looking woman greeted us with “What are your names?” With indignation we denied her request. She told us to call head office, and we refused. We showed her the actual pictures we took, and seeing nothing the matter, eventually left us alone.

Thanks for the pleasant dining experience. It would have been suspicious maybe if we came in, took pictures and scurried out, but we stayed to have a leisurely breakfast. Some people picked up on that, but not the ones who like to complain.

To that middle-manager: our contact info is breakfastwinnipeg@gmail.com.